When I was 6yrs old my father and mother divorced and for reasons I won't discuss I chose my dad. When I was 13 my dad was diagnosed with Kidney failure.

I'm 19 years old now and this June he was diagnosed with cancer in his esophagus. He went in for the surgery and it was a success. Not only did they get everything but the cancer didn't spread. Although, he's in pain from the J-Tube, I'm doing my best to take care of him. But his constant mood swings are tough to ignore. He's very rude and says things that he doesn't mean. He gets upset over the tiniest things and I can only take so much. I try not to upset him, but after five hours of being nagged, you kind of go nuts :!: :!: :!:
This morning we got into a spat and he said that I should just leave and move out. I love him no matter what, but, I can't afford to live on my own and pay for my schooling. We had already made a plan, that I would stay with him until I finished my three year course.

What can I do to calm him down :?:

Hi ripplingthoughts,

First off, it sounds like great news that your father's throat surgery was a success!

As for the mood swings, this is a tough one. Many patients who chronically suffer from pain or a disease may go through this. It is almost unavoidable. For what it's worth, you yourself mentioned that he says things he doesn't really mean. Keep that in mind when dealing with the situation, it might make it easier.

This is definitely a tough one but I would suggest sitting your father down and talking through the tough times. More communication in tough situation sometimes help. Maybe try and do it when both of you are in a good mood. I hope you will pleasantly be surprised. Have you asked the cancer agency for support in this area? If not, you should. With all their expertise and experience in cancer management, maybe they can help?

Hang in there and thank you for sharing ripplingthoughts.

Best of luck!

I agree with Bowmah. And I definitely think you should get outside help. You are 19 and at that age there's no way anyone can expect you to bear all the brunt of an irritable post op and possibly quite frightened dad.

Best of luck

Achi